Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's just so happy...and so naked.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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