I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
