You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
