Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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