Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
