Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
