He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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