Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
