You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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