I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
