I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
