Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
