Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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