I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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