It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
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