I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He kissed a someone with a penis
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
