So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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