Fuck appropriateness.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
