"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
