I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
