I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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