Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
