i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
