I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
