One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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