is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
