roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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