If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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