There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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