The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
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