tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
