Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
