Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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