You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
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