she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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