Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
