Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
