foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
