I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
