Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Randomize
