in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
