We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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