Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
