are you still at the devil's house?
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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