Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
