he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
They took my balls.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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