I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
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