i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
