Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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