Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
