ya dads aren't the best wingmen
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
