apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
