John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
