Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
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