u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize
