So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Randomize
