I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
