You don't have asthma, your pregnant
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
