For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Watching her eat just hurts me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
