haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
