I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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