he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Another day, another engagement, another cat
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
