you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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