Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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