If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
im on a boat
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