I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
