Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Two words: blizzard sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
