Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
