Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Randomize