Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
