I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize